I am hereby calling for the immediate banning of all songs in the key of C, as they do not use ANY black keys on the piano. The key of C consists entirely of white keys (no sharps or flats). In this age of racial diversity it is absolutely disgraceful that we should still allow songs with no black representation. Consequently we must immediately remove the following songs from our playlists and throw rocks through the window of any radio stations that persist in playing them:
Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin
Let it Be – The Beatles
Imagine – John Lennon
All The Small Things – Blink 182
Californication – Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Piano Man – Billy Joel
Dreams – Fleetwood Mac
Ain’t No Sunshine – Bill Withers
Miss You – Rolling Stones
You’re So Vain – Carly Simon
+ hundreds more!
I will be sending a full list to the Anti-discrimination Board.
Furthermore, there are a number of other musical keys in which black piano keys are under-represented:
F – 1 black key
G – 1 black key
D – 2 black keys
Bb – 2 black keys
These musical keys are an absolute disgrace, as they relegate the black piano keys to a racial minority. All songs in these keys must also be banned immediately and anyone found singing or even humming them should be arrested!
Join me in stamping out this disgraceful racial prejudice inherent in our music! If you would like to support the Black Keys Matter movement, please send a donation of $1000 or more to my personal bank account. You can also show your support by destroying random pieces of public property.